There was a small hope that apathy could be involved when it came to him. He honestly didn't think that anyone could put too much worry into the most human member of the Avengers. Hell, there were points in time that Clint felt as though Coulson would make more of a functioning member of the Avengers than he would. Coulson; the man he imagined could drop a guy with a paperclip. Hardly even trying. He knew among Nat and Phil, they would always see past any facade that he would try to put up. They knew him more than anyone else in SHIELD -- possibly knew him better than anyone else in the world.
The sniper felt the weight of all the deaths that occurred while he was commanding Loki's people in his absence. Even if the orders came from the rogue "god"; everything beyond Clint's control. But he still kept that on his own shoulders as something he could have done differently. He wished he had been different. He wished he had fought through the haze that had been created by the specter. But it generally wasn't something that he would open his mouth and say he blamed himself. Tasha told him not to do that to himself, that it wasn't him. A part of him didn't know if he believed it or not but he went along with it for her sake and for the sake of the mission that had been currently at hand. They told him he was part of the Avengers, after all. It didn't necessarily mean he had to be their buddy after all was said and done.
Even if a small part of him felt as though he needed to try to fit in with the rest of them. Trust. Shit like that would become essential when they were out on the field. Clint did most of the things. But it was like everything he approached in life, he saw things better from a distance. He felt more comfortable from a distance. It would have been surprising for him to hear Coulson say that he was more married with his job then the other SHIELD agent. But it was probably the truth. Even more of the truth was more than likely claiming that it was his life. But Clint didn't want to get into labels and such. It might have made him come to the realization that SHIELD had become everything that he had. The way he built the connections he had. There was not a single person he knew that had tomorrow promised to them because they were out of harm's way. Everyone he would regularly see could be the next person they cleared a room for.
"Well, guess I have to check off 'Coulson's a robot' from my list." He joked briefly, stifling a laugh that would rattle his chest in a way that would make him wince. No matter the painkillers the doctor's prescribed him. There was still some sort of dull ache there, reminding him of the state his body was in. "Aw, yeah. I'm fine." He looked down at himself before giving a small shrug. Not putting strain on his body, that was going to be left for what laid ahead for him. "The doctor wouldn't release me if they didn't think I could move on my own, sir." Clint had taken a couple steps forward, an attempt to cut conversation shorter than it usually would run to go to the gym.
no subject
The sniper felt the weight of all the deaths that occurred while he was commanding Loki's people in his absence. Even if the orders came from the rogue "god"; everything beyond Clint's control. But he still kept that on his own shoulders as something he could have done differently. He wished he had been different. He wished he had fought through the haze that had been created by the specter. But it generally wasn't something that he would open his mouth and say he blamed himself. Tasha told him not to do that to himself, that it wasn't him. A part of him didn't know if he believed it or not but he went along with it for her sake and for the sake of the mission that had been currently at hand. They told him he was part of the Avengers, after all. It didn't necessarily mean he had to be their buddy after all was said and done.
Even if a small part of him felt as though he needed to try to fit in with the rest of them. Trust. Shit like that would become essential when they were out on the field. Clint did most of the things. But it was like everything he approached in life, he saw things better from a distance. He felt more comfortable from a distance. It would have been surprising for him to hear Coulson say that he was more married with his job then the other SHIELD agent. But it was probably the truth. Even more of the truth was more than likely claiming that it was his life. But Clint didn't want to get into labels and such. It might have made him come to the realization that SHIELD had become everything that he had. The way he built the connections he had. There was not a single person he knew that had tomorrow promised to them because they were out of harm's way. Everyone he would regularly see could be the next person they cleared a room for.
"Well, guess I have to check off 'Coulson's a robot' from my list." He joked briefly, stifling a laugh that would rattle his chest in a way that would make him wince. No matter the painkillers the doctor's prescribed him. There was still some sort of dull ache there, reminding him of the state his body was in. "Aw, yeah. I'm fine." He looked down at himself before giving a small shrug. Not putting strain on his body, that was going to be left for what laid ahead for him. "The doctor wouldn't release me if they didn't think I could move on my own, sir." Clint had taken a couple steps forward, an attempt to cut conversation shorter than it usually would run to go to the gym.