through a broken mirror for theshield_agent

[beenunmade]

Reminding himself daily of his duties was something that usually made Clint sober up when it came to things he dealt with off the clock. Even if there truly was no 'off the clock' for SHIELD agents. Let alone an Avenger. If he wasn't suited up to save the world from some impossible villain, he was an agent of SHIELD. And SHIELD infiltrated every member's life. It was implied at the get-go. You join SHIELD and SHIELD will be part of you where ever you go. It was something that Clint wasn't quite used too. But it, at the very least, gave him something to do when he was bored. The downtime was minimal at best, but when there was downtime Clint really didn't have anything better to do then be at headquarters. SHIELD had become too integrated in his life without him realizing it. More than once he had loudly said in Coulson (or anyone else's presence) that Phil and the higher-ups were married to their jobs. Whenever Clint would walk down the hallway he'd either see Phil, Sitwell, Hill, and he usually tried to evade Fury at any given moment because nothing ever sat right with him about the Director. Not that he was afraid of him, per say. He just...didn't trust the eyepatch.

It never occurred to him that he was stuck in the same classification of any of them. When it seemed as though all the Avengers were grouping together (even Tasha) under the same roof, Clint had decided against joining the Brady Bunch by remaining back in his personality-less room back in headquarters. Something given to all agents of SHIELD who didn't have a place to go off-base. He had personalized it somewhat -- to keep it separate from the other rooms that were around him. Even though at least two of them had been emptied, any traces of agents living in them wiped after the Loki incident. Clint had come to find out they had been aboard the helicarrier when they went. One of which, Agent Ryan Stillson, was at the point of the blast that had disabled the engines enough to cause the mess that Loki had ordered him to cause. Without being asked, Clint had gotten rid of the man's belongings himself after wandering past to his room just in time to see the normal cleaner's -- making their rounds to clean up the relics of the past before they found another poor soul to recruit into this place. When someone had come down on the orders of Fury to make Clint stop what the fuck he was doing -- Clint nearly punched the guy out before returning to what he was doing. Then, following procedural, brought Agent Ryan Stillson's belongings down to the compactor to get rid of.

SHIELD looked after their own after all, but it also meant when they began to work for SHIELD is where they would end. Clint had yet to meet someone who retired from the military division.

Downtime usually meant people getting caught up on their sleep. A lot of the agents slept easier knowing that Loki was gone (as well as the Tessaract). It meant their energies could be spent doing something else. Whenever Clint had laid his head down to sleep, usually an hour or so into it; his eyes would snap open. He had told Fury during the debriefing that he remembered nothing of his time as Loki's mind bitch, but that statement was slowly turning into a lie with every moment he was given some time to himself. He remembered. The ideas that filled his head like whispers once setting his eyes on the glowing cube. Orchestrating getting the materials and man-power needed to take on SHIELD and open the portal to somewhere the cube had only told him that was a good idea. Suggesting the rescue mission when Loki would be "captured" by the Avengers. Clint remembered thinking, once, that it didn't go as planned when he noticed the flash of red hair at the corner of his eye before he was brought back into this reality. His reality. His body may have healed up, but his mind was still twisted. Still lingering on the things he had done he felt as though he had to put on the cocky persona just to keep people off his back.

Things happened quickly after all was said and done. One moment, Phil Coulson was dead. The next he was alive. One moment Nick Fury wasn't in charge and the next the WSC realized that Fury wasn't going anywhere so he was reinstated. One moment Clint Barton was Hawkeye, an Avenger. And the next he was back to where he had began, unsure if he had a place in the team he had joined out of necessity to make an attempt to get his revenge. Even if he didn't. Even blowing Loki out of the sky left him with a severe lack of satisfaction.

Mostly, his entire time after saving the world had been a blur. Instead of basking in the glory, Clint stuck to himself. Even when he went on missions with the team -- it helped that he was a sniper. Being alone was part of the job description it seemed as he crept into the hallway after one of his nightmares. Another good thing about being a SHIELD agent meant they only needed a couple hours of sleep to function. He pursed his lips together as he tucked his hands in his jacket pockets. The last mission had left much to be desired. Clint had so brilliantly tried the little trick of using his grappling arrow to Tarzan his way to ground level, right in front of one of the targets. Only to get knocked back a couple feet. Broken ribs aside and somewhat of a bruised ego, Clint was telling the doctors he was fighting fit. They just didn't believe him. But he didn't really listen to what they had to say about him resting or anything of the like. He moved quietly through the halls with every intention to go to the gym. To get his frustrations out and to possibly tire himself out that maybe sleep would be unavoidable as he turned the corner, nearly running into Coulson.

"...they still let you escape from your office from time to time, I see." He smirked, hoping beyond all hope that he could just annoy him a little. To the point where he could just move passed him and to the gym. He relied, partly, that if the man was still on painkillers and still in work-mode there would be some apathy involved.

Comments

[theshield_agent]

Phil frowned. There was never apathy when Clint was concerned. He'd been worried about Clint for a while now. He'd hoped that, with time, Clint would be able to move past whatever was doing this to him, but it was only getting worse with time. When he'd heard about Clint cleaning out Agent Stillson's room, he'd been concerned, to say the least. The fixation Clint seemed to have was unhealthy and he'd nearly gotten involved himself before thinking better of it. He knew that what had happened when Clint was under Loki's control had weighed heavily with him. No amount of assurances seemed to convince him that what had happened wasn't his fault.

The fact that Clint seemed to resist any kind of team-building with the other Avengers didn't help Phil's worries. It was concerning that even Natasha moving in with the rest of them hadn't swayed Clint. He was more alone than ever on the base, Phil wasn't sure if Clint had a single friend who didn't live somewhere else. Not to mention this last mission. He still wasn't sure whether Clint was purposefully taking dangerous risks on purpose or not, but he was worried, both as a handler and a friend.

"Sometimes I even get to sleep." If Phil was married to the job, he couldn't even imagine what Clint was. At least Phil had his own place to go back to. Even if his friends all worked here, he still had friends, which wasn't the case for everyone in SHIELD. All in all, Phil had a better balance than most of the people here and certainly better than Clint.

"Should you be moving around this much?" So help him, Phil would taze Clint and make someone else drag him back to his room if he had to.

[beenunmade]

There was a small hope that apathy could be involved when it came to him. He honestly didn't think that anyone could put too much worry into the most human member of the Avengers. Hell, there were points in time that Clint felt as though Coulson would make more of a functioning member of the Avengers than he would. Coulson; the man he imagined could drop a guy with a paperclip. Hardly even trying. He knew among Nat and Phil, they would always see past any facade that he would try to put up. They knew him more than anyone else in SHIELD -- possibly knew him better than anyone else in the world.

The sniper felt the weight of all the deaths that occurred while he was commanding Loki's people in his absence. Even if the orders came from the rogue "god"; everything beyond Clint's control. But he still kept that on his own shoulders as something he could have done differently. He wished he had been different. He wished he had fought through the haze that had been created by the specter. But it generally wasn't something that he would open his mouth and say he blamed himself. Tasha told him not to do that to himself, that it wasn't him. A part of him didn't know if he believed it or not but he went along with it for her sake and for the sake of the mission that had been currently at hand. They told him he was part of the Avengers, after all. It didn't necessarily mean he had to be their buddy after all was said and done.

Even if a small part of him felt as though he needed to try to fit in with the rest of them. Trust. Shit like that would become essential when they were out on the field. Clint did most of the things. But it was like everything he approached in life, he saw things better from a distance. He felt more comfortable from a distance. It would have been surprising for him to hear Coulson say that he was more married with his job then the other SHIELD agent. But it was probably the truth. Even more of the truth was more than likely claiming that it was his life. But Clint didn't want to get into labels and such. It might have made him come to the realization that SHIELD had become everything that he had. The way he built the connections he had. There was not a single person he knew that had tomorrow promised to them because they were out of harm's way. Everyone he would regularly see could be the next person they cleared a room for.

"Well, guess I have to check off 'Coulson's a robot' from my list." He joked briefly, stifling a laugh that would rattle his chest in a way that would make him wince. No matter the painkillers the doctor's prescribed him. There was still some sort of dull ache there, reminding him of the state his body was in. "Aw, yeah. I'm fine." He looked down at himself before giving a small shrug. Not putting strain on his body, that was going to be left for what laid ahead for him. "The doctor wouldn't release me if they didn't think I could move on my own, sir." Clint had taken a couple steps forward, an attempt to cut conversation shorter than it usually would run to go to the gym.

[theshield_agent]

It would really depend on the man and the paperclip, but nine times out of ten, Phil could drop a man with one. He was definitely a capable fighter, even if his body didn't always appreciate it. He liked being a handler, though. He was good at thinking quickly and he cared about his agents. He cared about what they did. He cared about Clint. That just brought him full-circle to worrying, but he wasn't even sure how to approach the topic with the man.

"I could still be a robot. Maybe I'm lying." Speaking of lying, he tried to assess Clint's injuries, but it was difficult to see what stage of healing they might be in. Either way, he knew Clint wandering around at night meant he was either doing something bad or there were things on his mind he couldn't escape. "Where are you heading this late at night?"

Sometimes Phil was almost glad that Clint was here instead of with the other Avengers. It might have been selfish, but at least he could keep an eye on Clint this way. He knew Natasha would keep an eye on him, too, but it would be harder with their new teammates around. He still was't sure if Clint was really being self-destructive or not, but it seemed like he might be. Phil was just glad that he had some time to figure it out while Clint was on medical leave. He cared about all of his agents, yes, but Clint was one of the ones he cared about the most, even if he tried not to show any favorites in the job.

[beenunmade]

Clint, by all means, knew Phil was a capable fighter. It was one of the reasons why he got along with him so much and far beyond any of the other agents. Phil didn't look physically strong, and people could get the impression he was just some mild-mannered pencil pusher because of the missions Fury sent him on. But Clint knew differently. He didn't do anything without hearing it over the comms first, from Coulson's voice. He didn't respect anyone else. Just Coulson, after all -- the man was his handler from the beginning. He was one of the people who had been sent to retrieve the man with a trick shot from the circus when all others had failed before him. After all, SHIELD wouldn't have had him if they didn't fight for him.

Clint squinted his eyes a bit, looking up and down at his handler. "You're not a robot. But I know a couple junior agents who'd believe you if you put a straight face on and a couple wires up your sleeve." It was no hidden fact that a bunch of the junior agents respected Phil. A lot of people did. Clint just hid his respect very well as his head snapped at attention when Phil asked his next question. Explaining to Coulson that he couldn't sleep because he still had everything from before on his mind wasn't a bad idea; having someone to talk to might actually help him considering the fact he refused to talk about it to anyone else. Even Natasha. It had been that one moment when he was snapping out of Loki's spell that he had even spoke to her about it, he hadn't since.

He considered a lie. What he told was the truth. Or part of the truth.

"I'm heading to the gym, actually." He patted Coulson on the shoulder. "I'd ask you to join me, but considering your fragile state you might want to lay low some more, sir." He joked light-heartedly as he moved forward even more stepping closer to the door to the gym.

[theshield_agent]

Phil actually didn't look half-bad under his suit, either. It's just that no one ever saw him without it. He was in pretty good shape for someone his age who wore a suit every day. He worked out and he did more physical things in his job than a lot of people realized.

"I'll keep that in mind next time I was to play with some of the junior agents." He really wouldn't. The last thing he needed was more people making robot jokes about him. It was bad enough Clint made them and he didn't need any of the junior agents thinking that they could get away with what Clint could.

He stopped himself from rolling his eyes at that answer, but just barely. "You are not going to the gym. You haven't been cleared yet for it." He wasn't going to let Clint hurt himself further while he was still healing. The self-flagellation was getting old. If Clint wanted to mentally beat himself up, there wasn't much Phil could do, but physically? Phil had a professional and personal need to stop it. "And don't lie to me about that, because you know I get copies of everything. If you can't sleep, you need to find something else to do until you've healed more."

There. Now Phil just had to be ready for the inevitable fight that was coming. He knew Clint and Clint never gave anything up without a fight. He actually felt bad for people that Clint didn't like if this was the hard time he had to expect from the man.

[beenunmade]

For anyone who worked in SHIELD -- they had to look good. SHIELD had a tendency of making the uniforms skin-tight for all sexes. Something that Clint honestly didn't have to worry about, he had a lean body regardless if he worked for SHIELD or he didn't. He'd still be part of the circus if Coulson hadn't come around. Not exactly something he probably would have been proud of. But something he would have loved any way it went.

"I always keep it in mind when I play with the junior agents. They do provide for endless entertainment." Clint had managed to talk the bulk of them into thinking Coulson was a robot, Captain Rogers was a jerk and didn't like anyone, that Tasha was an alien. And that Thor had moonlighted as a stripper. Something of which some of the female junior agents were curious to find out where he went to work when he wasn't in Asgard or among the Avengers. It was all good fun, really. He didn't take it so seriously and he knew the other Avengers would have a laugh about it. Tasha probably wouldn't laugh outright, but the amused glow in her eyes would be enough for Clint.

He narrowed his eyes a tad, not even hiding the annoyance in his eyes. "No offense, sir. But I don't really give a damn. They won't let me go on a mission, you can't just lock me out of the gym." Even though he was sure Phil could just have his clearance revoked. "I'm fine. I don't need you or anyone else telling me that I can't do something that I'll end up doing. Gym or not." Clint somewhat preferred the quiet of the gym, but if that was taken away from him he had other ways of doing what he wanted to do.

[theshield_agent]

Phil knew about most of Clint's pranks and for the most part, he ignored them. It was kind of fun having a bunch of kids think he was a high-tech robot, although getting stabbed probably had ruined that illusion. The one about Rogers was... strange, but the others were in good fun. Phil might have gotten a little defensive about that one, actually. You can never totally kill the fanboy in him.

Now, though, Clint wasn't really being all that funny. "I can lock you out and I will. It's my job." He frowned. So much of his focus was turning to Clint lately, just worried about keeping him alive.

He closed in on Clint, moving into his personal space with an imposing stance. "Obviously you do need someone telling you that you can't do it, since you seem intent on re-injuring yourself. You're fine when I say you're fine." It had been a long time since he'd had to talk to Clint like that, but he wasn't going to back down.

If this was what Clint needed to stay in one place, Phil would give it to him. If he wanted to get angry at Phil for it, that was fine, but Phil was going to keep him in one piece. He was half-way to pulling him from active duty pending a psychological screen, not that he was going to warn Clint about that.

[beenunmade]

Well, coming back from the dead seemed to put a staple in the 'Coulson's a robot' theory. Clint was still refining another rumor that Coulson was a high-functioning zombie. Contagious only when he didn't get a chance to eat his share of junior agent brains in the morning. But it still had it's clinks. Such as high-functioning zombie, even though he was sure if he paid the geeks in R&D they could forge some files stating the fact that it was possible. He figured Coulson would defensive slightly over the rumors he created about the Captain -- which is why they were mild compared to the things he could say. He didn't exactly want Coulson to end up trying to kill him after all.

"Your job is just making sure we can fight. The state we're in doesn't really matter." He didn't think that there was much attention getting turned his way at all. "It's not my intent. If it happens, it happens. You act like I haven't worked or trained injured before, Coulson." Not that Coulson knew much about the facts of that gem of a statement. Clint stepped closer into his violated personal space, squaring his shoulders.

[theshield_agent]

He met Clint's eyes, staring him down in a way that would reduce many of those junior agents to tears, not that he ever expected to have that effect on Clint. "Not under me, you don't. An injury like that could make the difference between you making it through a mission alive. You're not doing anything until medical clears it." Phil would have Clint strapped to a bed if he needed to, at least he might if he didn't think Clint would find a way to hurt himself even more with that.

"I'm not letting you get yourself killed because you're too stubborn to rest an injury." Phil understood that stubbornness. He had some of it himself, but even he was taking it easy. "And on a personal note, I think you need to work on your attitude and the way you talk to people who can put you on the bench."

[beenunmade]

Clint had seen that look before. When he had begun at SHIELD, it used to cause him to lose his train of thought. Out of fear, some weird wave of respect. But over the years, he always met that gaze with a challenging one of his own. The agent did the same as he did before. He wasn't going to back down from his stance. "A couple broken ribs isn't an injury, it's a pain in the ass, Coulson." If he was going to prove himself as a person worthy of being a part of the Avengers he had to do whatever it took. He had been the last to become a part of them because he had been too busy being a tool in the plot to end humanity. Regardless of what anyone said, if Selvig could have developed a fail safe. Clint Barton could have held back in some way.

An annoyed growl escaped his throat as he pushed Coulson away, moving towards the gym door. "Put me on the bench. See if I give a fuck, Phil." He continued walking, not bothering to look over his shoulder at his handler as he swung the door open.

[theshield_agent]

Phil winced at the pain in his back, but he otherwise ignored it as he reached out and grabbed Clint's arm, vice-like. Truthfully, even with his injury, Clint could wipe the floor with him in a fight, but he was banking on Clint not putting up one. That wasn't to say that the want to hit Clint wasn't there. The man deserved a good punch right now, but neither of them would benefit from a fight.

He fought for the right words, trying to find a way to talk him down rather than wind him up further. "You don't mean that. Just... wait until medical clears you, okay? So I can have peace of mind. I need to know that you're healing, Clint." If he couldn't pull rank, he could be honest and pull the concern card. It wasn't like it was a lie. He was concerned.

[beenunmade]

Even without his injury, Clint could possibly wipe the floor with him. Maybe not if Coulson was armed with a taser however. Clint had been on the receiving end of that at least once and it was an accident. Clint's head snapped in Phil's direction when the agent grabbed his arm.

"And do what?" He didn't bother trying to pull his arm away from Phil's grip, which might be the only reason why Clint hadn't tried to punch him. That and he was aware of Phil's still own healing wounds. "What do you know about what I mean or not? I could be perfectly fine with being benched." The look in his eyes soften a tad, slowly trying to pry his arm away from Phil. "I'm healing, Phil. Don't worry about that."

[theshield_agent]

Phil always had a taser, but that was beside the point.

"Clint, you don't want to be benched anymore than I want to bench you. So let's go find something else for you to do." He didn't want to push, but he was going to have to if Clint kept heading down this road. Ever since that first day back when he'd found Clint wearing himself out on the range, he'd been watching the man and he didn't like what he was seeing. Clint wasn't taking care of himself and Phil could only do so much to counter that before he really did have to step in and do something.

[beenunmade]

Clint honestly see the end of the storm right now. It wasn't generally like him to linger on these things too long. Missions failed, people died. It was something all SHIELD agents were supposed to get used too. Clint had thought it was long since passed him him to keep these things on his mind. But it was turning out to difficult for him to shake off. He paused for a brief moment, sighing. "...yeah. But this is all I've got that's keeping me from doing something ridiculously stupid." Such as base jumping off of tall buildings to prove he was a worthy asset to the Avengers and breaking a couple ribs to prove such a thing.

He paused.

"If it's paperwork you can just forget it, Coulson. That's your idea of a good time. Not mine."

[theshield_agent]

You think that I think paperwork is fun?" He gave Clint an incredulous look. Jokes were one thing, but he really hoped no one thought he really did like the office parts of his job. They were just necessary.

He shook his head. "We'll find something. I'm not going to let you do anything stupid and that includes slowing your own recovery. A lot of people are counting on you to take care of yourself and I'm at the top of the list." Phil just hoped that the message actually got through to Clint this time. So many people believed in him, but to Phil it seemed like Clint never really believed that. It was like he didn't want to see how capable and strong he was.

[beenunmade]

"Well, yeah. Not the point where you run to your office to get started on them, but you make it seem like it's a good way to pass the time." Unless Coulson was trying to sell it. Clint, fortunately, was not buying. Making him do paperwork was like pulling teeth. He did it, but not without a fight.

"Shooting a bow is actually therapeutic. You should give it a try one day, Coulson." But then again, Clint would take it as a personal challenge to wipe Coulson out with that as well. He blinked for a moment, glancing over at his handler. "For the Initiative right? I think the Avengers couldn't be without their sniper. I'm like the glue." Which wasn't the case, but he was attempting to sound...confident. It was effortless for Clint the majority of the time. But if he had to think about it. Coulson had honestly been the one to bring and keep them together.

[theshield_agent]

Phil eyed Clint. "No, not just for the Initiative. Although, yes, they depend on you, too, but you've been a member of SHIELD longer than there has been an Initiative for you to be part of. You're a good agent, Clint, and I plan to keep you around for a while longer." And as a friend, of course. He hoped that that went without saying.

"I'll tell you what, you rest yourself until medical okays it and when you're okayed, I'll go shoot with you." Phil hadn't held a bow since high school, but he could probably hit some part of the target and it might even cheer Clint up to watch Phil miss it so much.

[beenunmade]

Clint eyed him back. "Then I have to stay fit for SHIELD." It was logical he supposed. "I can think of a few choice words Fury will say if "The Hawk" is out of commission. Other than trying to find another sniper half as good as me." Clint knew he was truly the best in the world. Otherwise the other guy would be part of the Avengers and Clint would just be a normal agent. He pursed his lips together, looking like he was getting lost in thought as he patted Coulson on the shoulder. "I've decided you're stuck with me for a while. Just until I find something better...or a grappling hook fails and I'm a pancake. Which will never happen. Just running random scenarios in my head." There were other things that could end him first before that ever happened.

He paused for a moment, tucking his hands into his pockets. Truthfully, he didn't want to say 'Hey Coulson, I actually should be in medical but escaped out of boredom'. He thought it wouldn't be the best choices in his life time. "Promise? Tasha told me that once and didn't follow through. Something about bows and arrows being my thing while...she did everything else." Which he didn't contest. He just thought it would have been more amusing to have someone to train with, rather than have people watch.

[theshield_agent]

"I promise, but I'm not exactly going to give you any real competition." Not that anyone could, really. Clint was far and beyond the best. It wasn't just his skill with a bow that put him there, but the way he handled himself in the field. He was quick on his feet and quick to think his way out of sticky situations. He'd come far in SHIELD since Phil had recruited him, but he still had further he could go.

"Do you promise? Because I could think of worse things than getting stuck with you." He smiled. "You're not so bad when you stop talking." He paused for a minute, thankful that Clint had calmed down. "There has to be something you want to do that doesn't involve physical exertion. Name it. I'll do it with you."

[beenunmade]

"Competition is competition, Phil. No one else will do it." Because they couldn't stand Clint bragging for months about winning. He was sure he wouldn't do the same to Coulson, however. He did, after all, respect the man and everything he did. "Plus, it'll be fun and you know it. Once we're both healed up that is. Can't have you pulling any stitches and bleeding all over the place, now can we?"

Clint rolled his eyes at that, shaking his head. "Admit it, you love hearing my voice. It's the reason why you keep on coming back to me." He paused for a moment, looking over at the senior agent. He tried to think of something that didn't involve any physical exertion that Clint imagined was fun to do.

When the quiet became a little too long, the younger man's eyes flickered towards Phil. "...I'm coming up with a blank. All my hobbies involve violence and physical exertion." There were a couple things that turned on in Clint's head -- but the majority of those would leave both men in awkward positions. Potentially more Phil than Clint.

[theshield_agent]

"You need competition like a hole in the head. I half-expect you to shoot your arrow through the middle of mine, even if I miss the target entirely." If anyone could pull off something that difficult and ridiculous, it was Clint. "When we're both healed up, though I think you're going to be okayed before I am." Honestly, Phil was just looking forward to when he will just be stiff. Won't that be nice?

"I do so love your dulcet tones. Do you think you could sing for me later? It would just make my day." He smiled. "You can't think of a single thing that we can do that won't injure either of us?" Actually, Phil was coming up pretty blank himself. Netflix was about the only think keeping him from complete madness. He's caught up on the last five years of television and counting.

He sighed. "Maybe we can just stare at the wall until we pass out."

[beenunmade]

"I might just to see the look on your face." Clint smirked as he looked over to him, shrugging a bit. "I don't have to deal with a gaping chest wound." He tapped Phil's chest, right where Loki's specter had sliced right through the man from behind. Acknowledging the injury usually made a feeling in Clint's chest twist. "I didn't come back from the dead, but you never know. You'll heal up from this, I'll probably be back in medical one more time before you're okayed." He honestly knew he shouldn't look forward to being injured once again. But it was bound to happen. Clint was reckless.

He paused, his eyebrows quirking up. "Me singing might injure my pride a little. Or your eardrums." He would have swung his arm around Phil's shoulder to guide him out of the hallway, but Clint couldn't lift his arms that high without causing his body to ache. He paused...and did it anyway. "You ever play Halo, Coulson? Checkers?" He hid the wince on his face with a smile.

"I can't imagine that working out too well. I have a short-attention span."

[theshield_agent]

"Can you do me a favor and go a whole two months without getting yourself injured again? I'll give you a reward." Really, Phil just wanted to go a few weeks without worrying that Clint was going to go and get himself snapped in half somehow. He worried more about Clint than nearly everyone else combined.

"I don't know what Halo is, but I'm willing to do anything legal, as long as I'm physically capable of it. I've watched so much television the past few days that I'm about ready to swear off the whole thing."

He smiled. "And you know that most adults play chess, right? Checkers is for kids." Not that he thought Clint would care about either one. Phil liked chess, but he was realistic about the fact that Clint wouldn't want to play it.

[beenunmade]

"I make no promises, Phil." He smiled as he looked over at his handler. Unsure if he should attempt to ease the man's mind when it came to sending him out on the field. After all, Phil wouldn't be grounded forever. The moment he was cleared from medical, Clint knew where he would be. Either directing the Avengers or various SHIELD agents on the field once again. "But, for you, I'll try harder not to end up a vegetable. If that'll make you feel a little better. If the reward is good." He wouldn't really know what to say about Phil worrying more about him than anyone else. He knew Nat worried a great deal about him. Fury and Hill had too. He was an investment. He figured it would be the same for Coulson as well.

"It's a video game. Not a training exercise." He pointed out quietly before tossing that idea. It seemed to Clint that putting a game controller in Phil's hands might trigger the apocalypse. He didn't see the man as someone who would play video games or become too invested in them. Or he might just be amazing at them, which would annoy Clint to no end.

"I like checkers. There's nothing wrong with checkers." His tone seemed somewhat offended, but really. Clint was not at all. "You could read to me if we're looking for relaxing things to do with our spare time."

[theshield_agent]

Phil laughed. "You want me to read to you? Like a bed time story? I haven't done that in a few years." For some reason, the idea of doing that for Clint didn't actually sound all that bad. There was something strange about the idea of seeing Clint vulnerable in sleep outside of when a mission required it, though. He tried not to poke too hard at that idea.

"I would appreciate it if you weren't a vegetable, though. Who else is going to go around making my life more difficult if you're not up and running around to do it?" Clint wasn't just an investment. None of them were to Phil, but Clint and Natasha especially weren't. He regarded them as friends and he hoped that they looked at him in the same light. Even with the worrying, he liked working with Clint, probably more than most of his other agents. For all of his joking, Clint really was a good agent. He got the job done and he did it well. They worked well together. There was a reason that he took most of Clint's missions and it wasn't just that Clint didn't really listen to anyone else as much as he listened to Phil.

[beenunmade]

"Bed time story. The newspaper maybe." Truthfully, Clint was sure either or would put him to sleep. A comfortable, familiar noise of Phil's voice echoing through the room. He hadn't had a restful night's sleep in so long without some sort of "natural" assistance. Be it watching infomericals until stupid o'clock or a pill the psych doctor had prescribed when Clint finally came out and said he kept on waking up during the night.

"The Junior Agents. Williams likes ghosting me a bit. He wants to be the next Hawkeye." He scoffed. "Like that's ever going to happen. But the kid can dream." The only reason why Clint knew Williams's existence was because he had taken the room he had cleared out himself. Stillson's room. Clint failed to tell him who lived in that room prior to his recruitment, but by the way Williams and several of the other new agents looked at him. He knew. "Or your niece. MTV, stuff like that. There's a long list of people who want to take my title, Coulson." They just never did a good job on getting to that point because if there was one thing Clint was most protective of -- it was his position in Phil's life.

Sure, Phil was his handler. A sense of duty right there. Clint found the harassing, the teasing, and all-around joking something that kept the two of them connected. That Phil knew Clint was there. Caring in his own little way. Continuing with the beginning of the conversation, Clint pursed his lips together. "I can't sleep, Phil..." He figured, if there was anyone he could talk to about it. It was Coulson. He didn't even really want to talk to the doctor about it, but if he wanted to be cleared for field duty. It was a must.

[theshield_agent]

Fighting back the urge to roll his eyes, Phil gave Clint a serious look. "I can tell. Come on. Let's see what we can do about that. Is anything helping?"

He shook his head. "And Williams has a long way to go before he can even come close to your skills, both as an agent and a pain in my ass. Let's worry about getting you rested and healed so you can just do what you do best; Do your job annoyingly well and annoy me like it's your job." Sure, other people annoyed him, some more than Clint, even, but Clint always had this charming way of making Phil enjoy being annoyed. His niece was really the only other person who came close, but you can't not love your annoying family members. Clint was just... Clint and Phil didn't want to think about not having him there to make his life more complicated.

"What can we do to get you back to top shape so you can focus on ruining my paperwork and making more paperwork for me instead of just making me worry about you?" Not that he didn't always worry, but his current level of worry was definitely higher than usual.

[beenunmade]

"The doctor prescribed some pills." He scowled a bit, looking over at the other man. "Then working usually drove me to exhaustion. So I slept then." He paused for a brief moment, folding his arms in front of his chest. "I keep on waking up at night. I keep on picturing...everything." He was slowly starting to remember everything that he had done under Loki's command. He knew it wasn't something he linger over.

He tried not to laugh, shaking his head. "Well, I'm glad I'll keep the reigning title of being a pain in your ass." There was a certain level in the official titles he carried. But the one that was jokingly between the both of them was something he cherished. He didn't have relationships like this growing up. Nothing that seemed so... permanent. Regardless of the Avengers. Nat and Phil were part of his family. "I could still annoy you. Sleep and healed or not."

[theshield_agent]

"Clint... I think we both know that you being tired and achy isn't what I'm really worried about here. I'm not sending you out on any missions if I don't know whether or not you're going to come back. That's not going to change. Our jobs are dangerous enough without me worrying that you're going to help get yourself killed." He didn't have to ask what Clint was remembering or what was keeping him up. He knew and he wasn't sure what he could tell Clint that would put him at ease.

"What can I do to help? I will really read you that story if you think it will help." He frowned. "And how many of those pills have you been taking? A lot of those are habit-forming." It was the last thing any of them needed.

[beenunmade]

"I'm not going on missions with a death wish, Phil. You don't have to worry about that. Things happen in the field, we both know that. Occupational hazards and all that. SHIELD just has them at the bucket fulls." Clint was trying to ease Phil's mind just a tad. Self-destructive behavior aside. Which honestly could lead into death wish if Phil wanted to point that out. The biggest thing was that Clint? Knew what people wanted to hear and right now, he knew Phil wanted to hear this right now.

He thought on it for a second. He'd been coming back from missions and the only thing he truly wanted was some company. The only thing he wanted was someone there. Admitting it was half the battle. "I think you just being there might help." His brow shot up, looking over to Phil with an incredulous look. "So now I'm a junkie with a death wish?" He laughed a little. "Really, Phil. I don't usually take anything they give me anyway."

[theshield_agent]

"I never said any of that. I'm just worried about you. You've been acting off for a while now, Clint. Let's work on fixing that." He tried to force a smile. "One thing at a time, though. You need sleep, so let's go back to your room. I'll stay as long as you need me to." He couldn't fix all of it, not right away, but he could try to help with what he could. If Clint thought that having Phil there would help him sleep, Phil would stay with him.

He didn't want to think about Clint's self-destructive behavior or the fact that he was pretty sure that Clint was lying about it, because when it came to Clint, sometimes his worry turned into anger and that wasn't going to help either of them right now. Now, he just wanted to focus on getting Clint healed and rested and then he would work on the rest. The fact that Clint was willing to talk about it could be a good sign, but it could also mean that he was a lot worse than he was willing to admit.

[beenunmade]

"Something similar to it though." Clint noted the forced smile in the back of his mind as he started walking towards his room, fully expecting Phil to follow after him. "You know me, Phil. You have to trust in me that whatever's going on is going to pass sooner or later." Hopefully sooner rather than later. For Phil's state of mind, he might make an extra attempt for it to be sooner. He turned around, walking backwards so that he could look the agent in the eye.

"...I'm not acting that off, am I?" His brows furrowed a bit with concern. Obviously, the only one else he knew who could point it out was Nat. The others he usually found himself around figured it was him...being himself.

[theshield_agent]

Phil did follow after Clint, studying his face and the way he was moving. "I don't think anyone else has noticed, if that's what you mean. You're my agent. I'd be worried if I wasn't the first one to pick up on things like this." He just wanted to get Clint back to where he should be so that they could get back to working together. He wanted to believe Clint that it would pass, but he was still so worried that it would get him killed before it was through.

He wondered if living with the other Avengers would help or make it worse, but he wouldn't suggest it until he was sure it wouldn't make him worse. That was the last thing he wanted. If Clint was happier here, Phil was happy to have him close, where he could keep an eye on him and get to him easily if he was needed.

[beenunmade]

Clint's smile seemed to grow at that, eyes on Phil as he kept on walking backwards. Folding his hands behind his back as he does. "You're my friend too," he pointed out quietly. "On top of being my handler." There was really only one person in his mind that could have roped him into joining SHIELD initially. At that point in his life, Clint would have laughed in Fury or Hill's faces if they ever showed up under the big top to recruit "the world's greatest marksman"; who at the time was just a circus act. A better one than most people. "I'm pretty sure the others will only know if I'm acting weird is if you or Tasha point it out. We're not exactly braiding each other's hair every nig--well, they might be." He laughed a bit. Clint really didn't know what the others did back where they all lived in the Avengers headquarters.

Clint was somewhat glad that he had decided to stay in the SHIELD apartments. It seemed like it would be more loud if he had decided to go live with Tony and the others.

The archer still kept walking backwards with a smile on his face before nearly falling over a trash bin. Catching himself by performing a quick little backflip so he didn't look like an idiot. Now he just looked like a talented idiot. The action immediately sent a jolt of pain through his upper body. "You think you could warn me next time, Coulson?" He hid the look of pain on his face as he just moved...to walk forward, side by side with his handler.

[theshield_agent]

"I didn't see it. You were kind of in the way." Mostly true. He'd only had about five seconds between noticing it and Clint banging into it. Maybe now he'd finally learn not to walk backwards, but Phil was pretty sure that that lesson was only going to stick for a few hours at the most.

Though he did frown when he saw that Clint was in pain. He definitely made the right call about the gym. "You're my friend, too, Clint, but I'm not braiding your hair. I draw the line at tucking you in."

He didn't really try to think too much about what the other Avengers were up to. He imagined that Stark and Banner spent a lot of time doing science and that stark spent the rest of the time antagonizing Rogers. He couldn't imagine Clint or Natasha getting involved in either of those situations. The fact that Natasha seemed to be doing well there was surprising, but good. He wasn't so sure that Clint really would do as well, but he could hope.

[beenunmade]

"Liar. You see all." He laughed as he continued walking beside him, tucking his hands in his pockets as he walked next to his friend. Phil was right when it came to prohibiting his occupation of the gym. If one backflip was enough to cause pain. Then doing anything else would have just done more bad than good. Not that he would say his handler was "right". He liked imagining that whatever Phil said was wrong.

If Phil had asked him to move into the tower, Clint would have. The fact that he hadn't yet made him feel a little better about where he was. "If you did want to braid my hair. I might need you to get your temperature checked, Coulson. Or see if there was any shapeshifting aliens around."

[theshield_agent]

"So your current theory is that I just enjoy watching you trip over trash cans?" If Clint wasn't hurt, that theory wouldn't be so far off, but Phil never liked seeing Clint in actual pain. He preferred mild humiliation and only because Clint put so much effort into his posturing.

"I'm not the one asking for bedtime stories." He smiled, though. It wasn't as if he minded at all. If Clint needed someone to take care of him, Phil would do it gladly. It's what friends did and friends were rare in this line of work. Phil was careful with the ones he had and the fact that he could count Clint among them meant a lot, not the least of which because Clint had some serious authority issues that Phil was always surprised to have somehow managed to sidestep.

[beenunmade]

"Better than breaking my dreams that you're omnipresent." He smiled, trying to hold back the laughter at the ridiculousness of the statement he just said. "Plus, I didn't trip. I have the reflexes of a cat." Even though his reflexes didn't exactly do him any favors, nor did his circus tricks.

Clint's nose wrinkled up as he looked over at his friend. "I'm just trying every avenue. I usually fall asleep listening to your voice drone on during debriefings. A bedtime story shouldn't be any different, right?" Clint just felt comforted in the presence of Tasha or Coulson. Having either in the room would have caused him to get some sleep rather than forgo it altogether. "I'd ask Tasha to read a bedtime story. But she'd just give me one of those judging looks and go about her business." He tried to mimic the look Nat usually gave him when he did something questionable. But it didn't have the same intensity if, say, Tasha did it herself.

[theshield_agent]

Phil laughed. "Or worse, she'd tell you some creepy Russian story and then you'd really never sleep." If anyone else told him that his voice put them to sleep, he might have been insulted, but this was Clint and that already gave him a pass. Plus, he'd just tripped over a trash can, which must have been hurting both him and his ego. Besides, if he could help Clint sleep, he would consider it a win. Poor guy clearly needed it.

"And I'm not omnipresent. I'm just all-knowing. There's a difference." And that difference was that one simply involved a lot of hidden cameras and observation. He wasn't God, but he did take a professional interest in the eating, sleeping and social habits of his agents. One could never know too much about their coworkers.

[beenunmade]

"She has done that before. I was in the infirmary and couldn't escape." So he had just used the 'morphine' button instead to make himself knock out. A pleasant escape. He didn't mean any harm in saying Phil's voice put him to sleep. It was familiar. One of only a couple things in the world that Clint categorized as 'safe'. In his eyes, nothing could go wrong when he had Phil around. He had been his handler for many years. His friend for a shorter time than that.

"Well, I guess that's a reasonable difference. I'll accept it." He laughed as he continued walking, stopping at the door to his little room. "By all knowing do you mean, you spy on all the little agents? Or are you really...a robot?" He joked haphazardly. Knowing exactly which buttons hit where when it came to Phil. Clint was still amused at the assumption that Coulson was a robot by many junior agents.